Turn the lights down to darken the space, set a flame to the candle wicks in your bedroom and let the fireworks begin! Ah, but if only romance and love were that easy. Granted, it's a sexy start but also "just the tip" of the iceberg. A suitor courting his (or her) desired partner possesses at their fingertips an abundance of romantic ways to love another. Lighting is a great way to set the mood! Beyond that, creating a romantic and sexy evening can involve thoughtfully chosen food, drinks, flowers, fragrances, decorations, accessories, outfits, music, films or poetry. These things can relax and bring pleasure to one's lover. Thoughtfully attending to the details can invite a lover to respond with openness, receptivity and warmth. While this blog post offers ideas that can come in handy for creating a romantic/sexy evening with a partner, the tips and suggestions shared stem from my experiences in the polyamory community. The stories and anecdotes in this blog post are from a play party, where elements have been thoughtfully included to create the sex-positive mood. My examples involve groups of people rather than one-on-one with a partner. This weekend, I went to a play party held to celebrate a friend's birthday. The festivities were clothing-optional, sex positive (for those who were in the mood, making out was encouraged and welcome), and filled with moments that were sweet, wild and funny.

Some like it hot... and spicy.

Before the sexual talent show began, we enjoyed organic, vegan, spicy chocolate aphrodisiac beverages. Made from scratch by the chef catering the event, the chocolate drinks, hot in temperature, warmed us up from the inside out. The spicy kick of flavor adrenalized our bodies and got blood circulating and flowing towards vital parts. The way to my heart is through my parted lips, into my mouth and deep down my throat. I'm talking about delicious cuisine, of course. All the meals we shared together throughout the weekend were beautiful in presentation, bursting with vibrant color, made with healthy ingredients, delicious and nourishing. I think it's helpful to note how powerful food can be in creating a romantic evening, because it affects the way we feel - and that could mean bloated, lethargic, even a little bit sick... or alert, lighter, excited and simply better than before eating.

Did someone say aphrodisiacs?

Not to mention, foods known to be aphrodisiacs can be especially fun to have during your date. These foods can stimulate increased sexual desire in people eating them. According to the purveyors of love advice over at Cosmopolitan,  the list of aphrodisiacs includes bananas, walnuts, pomegranates, avocados, vanilla and watermelon. Also, chocolate and chili. (Hence, the chocolate and chili beverages we had before the super sexy fun began!) Cover my bareness in soft kisses that build my desire. (And give me soft blankets, which are equally awesome.) The large room where we gathered for the sexual talent birthday show had big cushy pillows on the floor and plush blankets for us to feel comfy. Some people love the cool feel of satin, but I've always preferred cotton and warm, soft, fluffy textures in my blankets. So, the furnishings this evening were just what I liked!

Put on a show, pull off your clothes, push my body into the freefall that it desires, send it spinning into erotic surrender.

The sexual talent show is a yearly tradition in this particular group of my friends. Intended to entertain, surprise and make each other laugh, the show featured acts such as: one of our friends playing ""Happy Birthday"" on the xylophone by bouncing "his little friend" on the keys; and two girlfriends playing ping pong with no hands (just their lady bits... and ping pong balls and ping pong paddle, both impressively squeezed, aimed and controlled by the two women).

What's the moral of the story?

The point of these odd stories is that creating a sexy evening doesn't have to be something we approach with so much seriousness. It can be done in a lighthearted and playful way. Being freaky in ways like these might not particularly appeal to you, and that's totally okay. But think of things you can do for your partner that are surprising, that they totally wouldn't have expected. Things that make them laugh, and that make you both lose it in huge heaps of laughter. Things that help you both relax and open up to each other. Things that turn them on especially because you're so present and attentive.

How have you incorporated surprise during a romantic/sexy evening with a partner? What's something that a lover did for you that was totally unexpected and surprising? What are your favorite ways of creating a romantic/sexy evening with a partner?

February 27, 2020 — David Morreale