Tag Archives: Kink

How to Define Your Kink: Unconventional Simple Tips in a Conventional World

"how to define your kink" - bodybinds.com

Photo Credit: Lies Through a Lens

We all have kinky energy inside of our soul, even the meekest among us. We may not acknowledge it for whatever reason, but the kink is there. Some of the common reasons we suppress or ignore our inner kink is due to religion, upbringing, fear, or caring about the opinions of others.  Even the definition of KINKY, according to  Merriam-Webster  teaches us to base our preferences off of someone else’s idea. It states, relating to, having, or appealing to unconventional tastes especially in sex; also sexually deviant. Who is the authority for what’s conventional and unconventional in sex though? Who governs what is and isn’t deviant?

We have been inundated with messages, both consciously and subconsciously from everywhere regarding conventional and unconventional thinking, that we’ve now taken the spirituality and overall wellness out of acknowledging ourselves as sexual beings. Some of us, mainly what I know of western society, have been taught to speak in hushed tones and behind closed doors. Media has literally brainwashed us to a template for conventional sex, kinky, making it “naughty” and “guilty” pleasures. It is rare to hear that sexuality, even our kinky side is a natural and healthy form of self-love, self-awareness and self-expression. Being kinky simply gets a bad reputation. It is called unnatural, immoral, sinful and dirty. And usually anything outside of missionary style sex between a heterosexual, married couple is lumped into what is considered kinky.  Because of this many women feel shame or shyness towards their kinky nature. It does not have to be that way.

Every woman has some kink in her. Today, I encourage you not to suppress it. Instead, acknowledge it, affirm it and enjoy exploring it. I understand there will be resistance towards this. However, when we amend our often negative perceptions of what kink or even sexuality exemplifies; we will be more inclined towards discovery. Let’s diminish feeling dirty about thinking and acting on our kink. To do this, I have a few suggestions for you.

 1. GET YOUR MIND RIGHT

"how to define your kink by milan staples" - bodybinds.com

Photo Credit: Lies Thru A Lens

One of the most important steps in finding your inner kinky is getting your mind right. You are probably going to have to erase and reprogram some of your previous views, mindsets and beliefs.  We’ve been told and taught many things throughout our life that we accept our beliefs by default. Truly examine your beliefs in relation to your intuitive desires. If everything you want sexually, including the kink, is opposed to your “beliefs” it may be time to remove those negative thoughts. It may be time to mentally and philosophically let go of what you were told regarding sexuality and the idea of being “kinky”. Even though we are living in a hyper-sexualized society, we are still strangely socialized to deem sex and the exploration of it as risqué and a part of our unclean and sinful (not spiritual) nature that needs to be controlled. Being kinky can actually be another way to nourish yourself. It can also foster a positive exchange of energy in a healthy manner.

2. IDENTIFY WITHOUT JUDGEMENT OR INFLUENCE

"how to define your kink by milan staples" - bodybinds.com

Photo Credit: Lies Thru A Lens

Another very important component, to finding your inner kink, is to identify what it looks like to you without any judgment, limitations or outside influence. Turn your tv off. Do NOT ask for your friends’ opinions on it. Get off the internet…after you finish my article. Turn off the music for a little while. You can let outside sources inspire you but don’t let it create your definition of kinky or sexual freedom for you. Let to your own devices, this is what I want you to do. Let your imagination run buck wild. Create a kinky vision board, collage, mixed media journal or a (secret) board on Pinterest with images and quotes that you have collected. Everything should exemplify what YOU deem kinky. Include fun and empowering affirmations on it to put celebratory energy behind it. Give yourself permission to visualize however it looks like to you without any criticism.

3. ACKNOWLEDGE THAT NO TWO KINKS ARE THE SAME

"how to define you kink" - bodybinds.com

Photo Credit: Lies Thru A Lens

DO NOT compare your kink to others. This includes movies, pornos, Beyonce’s latest video and that one article listing 5 ways to be kinky. KINK is a highly individualized and personal experience that you choose to keep to yourself or share with trusted partners. Everyone is different. In addition to everyone being different, it is important to acknowledge that one’s definition isn’t better or less than another person’s. It is simply different.  Different is NOT the same as “better or less than.” That’s really it.

My kink doesn’t look like handcuffs and whips, but that doesn’t make it any better or less than those whose does include that. And it also doesn’t mean that I won’t want to experiment with that at another time. Make sure you give yourself permission and grace to change and evolve sexually. Finding your inner kink is a spiritual journey through listening to and honoring what YOU want and like. It is celebrating it. It is getting in tune with YOU.  Finding your kink is a mental job first. Once you stop inhibiting yourself by placing “sin” or “immorality” on the deemed “unconventional” and once you stop placing outward expectations on what it should be, look and feel like compared to others; you can create and have pride in what it is to you. Open your mind. Only entertain what makes sense for you. There’s not just one way or formula. Find comfort and confidence in that. Embrace this diversity and individuality.

4. LINGER IN YOUR KINKY CONFIDENCE

"how to define you kink" - bodybinds.com

Photo Credit” Lies Thru A Lens

Confident women tend to ooze a certain energy that both men and women find sexy. This confidence emanates from an internal source and draws others in. The energy of knowing yourself and fully exploring yourself sexually and every other way is what turns others on the most. It turns them on sexually, intellectually, energetically, mentally, spiritually and more. This energy also helps to SUSTAIN intimate connections when the “honeymoon” phase wears off. The energy you give off amplifies what you visually bring to the table. Once the discomfort is gone and you truly embrace who you are and what you want, you can confidently express your kink in a healthy way that resonates with you. You don’t have to wave your freak flag everywhere you go, every second of the day but with a partner and/or situation you trust, you can feel confident in knowing what your kink is.

With that knowing and confidence, you can sensually and sexually experience and express what you want. This kink journey will vary, evolve and change. It is important to know that it is a journey and not a race. You never reach a finish line because your thoughts and beliefs are always shape-shifting, changing and evolving. There are no time constraints or deadlines. Some things will come easy for you and others will take awhile. Embrace your journey and stay in your lane. Don’t rush it, simply live. It helps to be around people who are on similar journeys too and/or share similar outlooks. Not to compare notes, but to know that you are not alone!

5. EXPLORE YOUR FAVORITE THEME

 

"how to define your kink" - bodybinds.com

Photo Credit: Lies Thru A Lens

I’ve said it before, kink looks differently for each person. Maybe kinky, to you, looks like greeting your lover in a candle lit room wearing red lipstick and a Bodybinds piece with nothing on underneath it. Maybe it looks like that one time you had sex, standing up, in your living room instead of your bed, traditional style. Maybe being kinky to you is talking about sex in the daytime and not behind closed doors. I’m a Partition” kinda girl.

The prominent theme in my deviating from conventional sex is undulating in the duality of what is socially deemed as good/comfortable versus what is socially deemed as bad/uncomfortable; conservative versus liberal. It’s wearing something totally “lady like” with nothing on underneath or slipping away for a quickie in a secluded area of a posh and upscale venue at formal ball, polishing myself back up afterwards and returning to the event. I like the perceived “good” and “bad” being layered into one situation; experiencing balance. My kink involves exploring both sides that create balance. 

Are you ready to discover you inner kink and encourage it to come out and play? I’d love to read what it looks like to you. Feeling sexy is so much more than looking the part; it’s an inside job first and then you can have fun with the outside.

What’s your kink?


"How to define your kink" - bodybinds.com

Milan is a bohemian, new age, Scorpion lady with sophistication and funk. She has a passion for life and adventure and is a glutton for books and all things creative. You can find her at any of your local cultural events, in the park practicing yoga, in the kitchen jamming to A Tribe Called Quest songs while cooking dinner or her blog www.AGrlCanMAC.com talking about life and beauty.

SPECIAL NOTE: For the months of January and February the editorial focus of the Bodybinds Blog will be ALL ABOUT KINK.While we may cover a few other topics here or there, you will notice a lot of features on the topic of KINK.  If you are interested in guest writing, being interviewed or featured, please email the editor at Sheena@PDBloggers.com.

Creative Commons License:  Lies Thru a Lens

Confessions of Sirens: What You Need to Know About Fetish and Kink

You never really know who’s KINKY until something triggers their inner siren to come out and play. I find that a lot of people are not as forthcoming in everyday conversations when the topic of Sex, Kink or Fetish arise. Perhaps after a few drinks. Maybe at an intimate dinner between close friends. Sometimes, late at night when you’re in the bed with your lover. Seldom though, do you find daring women willing to put their kink on the line in a public forum.

"intro to fetish and kink" - bodybinds.com

That isn’t the case for Remy Fontaine. She’s a model and make up artist that I met over a year ago during a creative retreat lead by photographer Jessica  Lark.  After posting The Sexy Benefits of Eating Dark Chocolate,”  on my personal facebook page, Remy started writing suggestions on how to apply the chocolate to your lover’s body, what tools to use and what to do with the chocolate once on the skin.

I was turned on, intrigued and captivated. I knew that she and I needed to talk. Therefore months later, when Jackie, the Owner of Bodybinds and I met to discuss the editorial focus of 2015, I immediately though of my friend, model and makeup artist Remy when we determined that January and February would be all about KINK. If anyone had great ideas and thoughts on KINK, I knew it was REMY.

In our hour long video chat, we cover a great deal of information. I suggest getting comfortable. Go put on something sexy. Make a sensual cup of tea. Maybe grab your favorite chocolate. Light a yummy smelling candle and sit back and listen to our discussion. Below you will find a time marked guide to our topics and further down you will find our salacious video conversation.

"fetish and kink agenda" - bodybinds.com

One of the main reasons Remy and I had this discussion is because we believe the more open, expressive, honest and transparent women are regarding all areas of their lives including sexuality and sensuality, the more freedom, joy and liberation they will experience.  A Bodybinds woman is bold, daring, powerful, confident, edgy and sexy, among many other attributes and by sharing our personal experiences, we hope to inspire some boldness in your lives too! Also, before you even ask, I’m wearing the Anna Reversible Harness top available on Bodybinds.com.

How do you define KINK and FETISH? What are some of your kinks?  What prompts and ideas do you have for anyone wanting to explore kink? What would you like Remy and I to discuss next?

 



Remy Fontaine is a creative spirit that thrives though her projects in makeup artistry and creative design in mediums including costume and prop design. She spent her time in school learning about the science, psychology and art of human sexuality, and enjoys educating and enjoying it to the best of her ability! During the day, she works in marketing and the wrangling and management of a gaggle of specialized maintenance technicians. 

Sheena LaShay is a Wild Magical Woman, Boudoir Photographer, Writer, and most importantly a Pole Dancer. She writes for SheenaLaShay.com, Owning Pink, Verizon Wireless and is the Co-President & Editor-in-Chief of the #PDBloggers.

SPECIAL NOTE: For the months of January and February the editorial focus of the Bodybinds Blog will be ALL ABOUT KINK.While we may cover a few other topics here or there, you will notice a lot of features on the topic of KINK.  If you are interested in guest writing, being interviewed or featured, please email the editor at Sheena@PDBloggers.com.

 Creative Commons Photo Credit: Smplstc

 

5 Taboo & Subversive Resources for NY BDSM, Fetish & Kink

"5 TABOO & SUBVERSIVE RESOURCES FOR NY" - bodybinds.com

“I don’t need tricks.”

In a private group discussion regarding the benefits and pleasures of coconut oil during masturbation, one woman repeatedly exclaimed that 1), she did not masturbate, 2), men were more than enough for her and 3), she did not need any “tricks.”

While I have my own reasons for why masturbation works and doesn’t work for me, there was a certain resistance and perceived ignorance in her comment.  (You can read more on my masturbation post here –>  “I Want to Watch You Touch Yourself.)

I never viewed any enhanced experience during sexual encounters as a trick for some sort of lack in my life or as a substitute for primal, mind blowing sex with a partner. Whether its masturbation, sensual massages or a good flogging with a riding crop during foreplay, in my experience, these sensual enhancements have formed a deeper bond with my partner, encouraged me to be more present in my body and added a special flavor of fun, spirit and sometimes mayhem.

Have you ever added salt, hot sauce or curry to your chicken? You don’t do it because the chicken isn’t enough. You’ve done it because you like to taste different flavors, to enhance the meat itself or because you just like some SPICE! That is part of what my kinky, fetish, BDSM lifestyle is for me. Its a spiritual, sensual and sometimes sexual way to add spice to my experience of pleasure and desire.

Therefore today, I want to share with you 5 resources for exploring BDSM, Fetish, and Kink in New York City. It might be taboo, subversive, mysterious or scary but at the least its an opportunity to learn and at the most, its an opportunity to sexually and sensually evolve.

 1. Domi Dollz

I first learned of Domi Dollz through a pole dancing friend of mine. The pole dancing friend is a bit out there in a way….in a very good way. She goes to Burning Man. She invites me to artistic brunches where aerial artists and pole dancers are the featured guests. She believes in unicorns and magic and I love her dearly. Knowing how subversive and adventurous I am, she put me in contact with a dear friend, Kimi Inch.

Kimi Inch is the owner of Domi Dollz. According to her website, Domi Dollz brings kink out of the dungeon and into the limelight by revamping and elevating its core concepts in a daring and fun manner.  The goal of Domi Dollz is to educate, entertain, and empower women through a variety of mediums including workshops, events, fashion and music. Domi Dollz vision is to create a world that is open to exploring sensuality and fantasies without judgement.”

I LOVE THIS. While I have yet to  take one of their workshops, I have had the pleasure of speaking with Kimi over several meals and she is hypnotic and the bees knees in an approachable yet powerful way.

“Anyone can spank someone or tie up someone.  If you can get into someone’s head, they’ll want to see you all over and over and over again.”  Kimi Inch says in Business Insider

WebsiteFacebook | Twitter | Youtube

 

2. TES – The Eulenspiegel Society

I talked a bit about my entrance into the “kinky” world through a man I referenced as The Fetish Lover in a previous Bodybinds post titled, On Wanting More and the 4 Ways I Found It.” In addition to being profound, kinky and the only man to truly dominate me…leading me to doing shit that would make Christian Grey blush, he was also very intelligent, curious and open to exposing me to BDSM in a variety of ways.

I think it was somewhere between our second and third date when he mentioned TES to me. According to their website,  they are “a not-for-profit BDSM / Leather / Fetish group dedicated to the social interaction, educational exchange, and ever-changing diversity of our community.”

While I can’t speak for their entire organization, what I can say is that I went to a handful of workshops they hosted. Each were educational, fun, and engaging. I even had the honor of attending  a special Baroness presentation called, “The Joy of Latex.” (The Baroness is like THE place to go for amazing latex wear.) I couldn’t resist attending with a workshop description like this: From fetish to fashion, through sensuality, bondage, pain, and play. Practical questions will be answered including; the proper way to slide into tight latex, aAlong with care, maintenance, and latex repair. I will also bring an assortment of bizarre latex accoutrements as well as more fashion pieces requiring both victims and models. 

TES has special interest groups such as The Bondage Group or The Spanking Group. <– I did attend a spanking workshop. That was fun!  Some of their upcoming classes includes topics like, Unleashing the Savage Beast: The Dark Side of Animal Role-Play and Erotic Writers Workshop.  The workshops are discreet, unassuming and worth the small fee.

Website | Twitter 

3. Shag Brooklyn

I have never been to Shag Brooklyn. However, I have pinned so many date night ideas from YouAndMeConcierge that involve them. Their name also comes up a lot in connection with Domi Dollz too. According to their website, they are “a SEXY boutique & event space encouraging artistic & sexual exploration + host workshops & discussions overall helping people feel more open & accepted.  They aim to address issues relating to humanity, identity, gender, and sexuality that have been considered taboo in culture for far too long.  Facilitating open dialogue with the general public, mediated through the work of talented artists, SHAG aspires to unite sex and art (two things that have lived under the same roof for centuries) and create an environment that is inviting, un-intimidating, fun, and open to all.”

They have two upcoming photo exhibits and a Shibari Beginners Rope Bondage Class. Basically, I need to go! In addition to their art and education, they also have a shop with so many items that I need to add to my nightstand!

WebsiteFacebook | Twitter | Instagram |  Blog

4. NYC TNG

I first learned about NYC TNG through Fetlife. I attended one “munch” aka meet up and found it quite interesting. I definitely need to become more involved before I surpass the age limit. I have 5 years left to play with them. According to their website, they were “established to promote and facilitate the gathering and interaction of people between the ages of 18 to 35 who are interested or think they might be interested in the BDSM or M/s lifestyle.”

Their group seeks to encourage discussion and open communication.  Their main focus is all about providing opportunities for their online and in person community to gather and share ideas, concerns and build connections. Their website is a great resource for more information on other groups, websites and more! One of the benefits of their group for the 18 – 35 year old crowd is that you definitely come to know that you are not alone. There is a perception that should you go to a fetish party or sex party or a kinky event you’ll get the weirdest and gross people crawling out from under a rock looking to devout you and chain you in their grimy dungeon. That’s not accurate. But if that prevents you from exploring, a group like NYC TNG is a great way to start.

Website

5. DomSubFriends

I don’t recall how I originally found out about DomSubFriends but I felt like I went through the rabbit’s hole of Kink and Fetish while exploring their website. They are a huge resource for information…even if you aren’t necessarily interested in their group. According to their website their group, “is a members only pan-sexual support group for open minded people in the NY, LI, NJ, CT, PA, MASS, RI, MD, and East Coast area, who share interests in the S&M, BDSM, D/s, and B/D scene. They provide a sanctuary and meeting place for doms/dommes and subs alike to discuss the BDSM scene in general, and topics which effect everyone in our community. They are about communication, demos, lectures, munches, parties, socializing, sharing ideas/knowledge and most of all, having fun among fellow BDSM’ers.”

I have never been to one of their lectures or demos and I think its time I add them to my sexuality goal list for the year. I’m all about learning more. At the very least it gives me more content to share. At the most, it helps me evolve as a sensual, spiritual and sexual being.

Website

Of course my list is local to New York because the last five years of my life have been dedicated to this city. I imagine the European version of this list…or more specifically the Berlin version of this list would make mine look like child’s play.  I can’t imagine the San Francisco or Portland version of this list? Oh my, what would a French version of my list entail? Hmp, based on how a British lover behaves….a London list would be absolutely ridiculous.

What city should I do next? What online and offline resources do you use when it comes to classes, workshops, events and meet ups for Fetish, Kinky or BDSM?

Sheena LaShay is a Wild Magical Woman, Boudoir Photographer, Writer ,and most importantly a Pole Dancer. She writes for SheenaLaShay.com, Owning Pink, Verizon Wireless and is the Co-President & Editor-in-Chief of the #PDBloggers.


SPECIAL NOTE: For the months of January and February the editorial focus of the Bodybinds Blog will be ALL ABOUT KINK. While we may cover a few other topics here or there, you will notice a lot of features on the topic of KINK.  If you are interested in guest writing, being interviewed or featured, please email the editor at Sheena@PDBloggers.com.

Creative Commons Photo Credit: Smplstc