How to Give and Receive An Authentic, Vulnerable and Sexy Lap Dance

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Ooh La La

The first time I heard Ooh La La by Goldfrapp it pulled me out of my desk chair to dance because my hips couldn’t resist the pulsating beat. A week later I had a blissful experience with it in my pole dance class. I glowed. It felt like my body absorbed Alison Goldfrapp’s silky voice and the song’s beat and slowly released the vibrations from within all afternoon.

That evening I decided to give my husband, Brian, his first lap dance. Before I could chicken out I said, “I want to dance for you, ok?”

“Sure, yeah!” he nodded, “What do I have to do?”

“Just sit in the red chair.” I pointed to the leather club chair in the front corner of our living room. “And keep your hands to yourself.”

I changed into a red silk chemise. Then stood just out of view.

“Hit play on the iPod when you’re ready, honey.” I’d already cued up Ooh La La by Goldfrapp and Where Life Begins by Madonna.

As soon as I felt the familiar beat I sashayed the few steps to the doorway of the living room and paused when I knew he could see me. He cheered and whistled. As I stepped into the living room and felt Brian’s gaze intently on me, I got nervous. I sat on the arm of our couch, across the room from him. I lay back onto the cushions while slowly prancing my legs in the air. I tilted my head to peek at him because he’d grown quiet. I felt awkward and exposed though he seemed mesmerized.

I remembered to breathe. Then noticed how smooth my calves felt as I rubbed them together. This reconnected me with the sexy vibrancy I’d felt all day.

I slithered to the floor and moved in ways that felt good and familiar. But I didn’t get out of my head like I had in class. I was too aware of being watched. He’d never seen me move like this, so overtly sensual. My butt was on full view, hips circling, chest pressed to the floor. Then I sat up and arched back savoring a full body stretch while I caressed myself from cheek to chest to hip. I wondered what effect it was having on him.

Eventually, I crawled slowly towards Brian in the chair. As I tried to slip my knee between his, I discovered there wasn’t enough room. Our chair was smaller than the one in class. I used the arm of the chair instead, but it felt odd. I sat sideways in his lap, caressed my smooth leg, nuzzled his neck then slid to the floor on my knees where I slowly stripped out of my chemise.

It felt so intense and intimate. Like the dial had been turned from 10 to 100. I liked it, but it was scary too. I felt so vulnerable. We didn’t have a pole for me to retreat to so after a bit more dancing I kissed him signaling the end of the dance and the “don’t touch” rule.

 Tips For Giving a Lap Dance

While this first lap dance was good, over the years I’ve learned how to make the experience even more fun and enticing for both of us.

1. Spontaneous or Scheduled?

While I’ve tried both, I prefer spontaneity to take advantage of being in the mood to dance. Consider what’s best for you. If it’s for a special occasion, plan it for some time during the week or weekend rather than at a preset time in order to go with the flow of how you’re feeling.

2. Improvised or Choreographed?

Choreography keeps me in my head. Improvisation enables me to be in the moment. If you need structure, ‘map’ out of how you want to move through the room. If you prefer choreography, practice it on an empty chair or even with a girlfriend so you don’t fret about forgetting what comes next. Even if you do skip something, he won’t know.

3. Choose Music That Turns You On

Choose music that you can’t resist moving to. Choose music that he also enjoys.

My music was great the first time. Another time I chose a song I adored, but it was too much like hip-hop for his taste.

Have at least two songs or an entire playlist so you can dance for as long as you like. This also enables you to include at least one song you know he’ll love.

4. Wear What Feels Luscious

Wear clothes that feel good and luscious and that isn’t too complicated to strip out of (if you plan to strip out of an outfit) Experiment because it’s easy to get tangled up in clothing; it’s helpful to practice surrendering rather than fighting this when it happens. Messy and tangled can be super hot, as long as you don’t let it irk you. Unless being irritated makes you feel sexy.

5. Caress Your Body

This tells him where to look. And will drive him crazy because he’ll wish he were the one doing the touching. It also sends the message that you adore your body, which can be a major turn-on for you both.

6. Power of Gaze

Eye contact is intimate. It can make you feel vulnerable and powerful. When I danced for my husband the first time I didn’t fully understand how to wield the power.

One way is to hold his gaze while you dance and show off different body parts. He’ll be drawn to look at your swaying hips or prancing legs, but won’t be ‘allowed’ while you maintain eye contact. Add touch to heighten the experience. Hold his gaze while letting your hands roam down your own body. When you look at your hands caressing your calf, you give him permission to do the same. It can be intoxicating.

If you feel shy and coy, it’s also fine and fun to look away or hide your gaze behind clothing, a hat, your hair or other furniture in the room.

7. Own Your Sexy

Instead of thinking things like “I wonder what affect this is having on him?” like I did that first time, send him sexy messages that he’ll receive through your movement.

“Aren’t my curves sexy,” as your hand traces them from cheek, to neck, over breast, belly and hip.

When feeling like a flirty temptress, “I know you want me, but you can’t have me…. Yet.”

As a lioness on the hunt, “I’m insatiable for you, here I come…”

Tips for Receiving a Lap Dance by Brian Faulkner

1. Respect the Woman in Front of You

Realize that what she’s doing is sharing a part of herself that she doesn’t share with the rest of the world. Consider yourself lucky to be with such an amazing woman. Revel in it.

Before the dance, in a casual way, ask your wonderful partner if there are any dos and don’ts for what you do while she dances.  For example:  Can you touch? Can you enthusiastically yell, whistle, applaud, scream, jump up and down? Can you take pictures?

Whatever rules she sets, follow them. Because, if you don’t she may never dance for you again.

If your willpower is weak, ask her to tie your wrists together (or one arm to each thigh) so you can’t touch. Put tape over your mouth if you can’t resist hooting.
 

2. Enjoy the Experience

Sit, relaxed and ready to receive. Turn your phone OFF (unless she wants you to record her dance). Watch her dance in front of you, around you, and on you. Make eye contact with her. Whistle, hoot, clap (if allowed). Show her how much you appreciate her efforts in ways she understands.

3. Complement Her

After the dance is over, be positive and complementary. Don’t compare what you saw with anything from prior experiences or your imagination. Tell her how amazing she is and what you loved about her dance.

Take her in your arms and hold her tight. The rest is up to the both of you.

Have you ever given a lap dance? Have you ever received one? What was your experience like and what tips would you add for the giver and the receiver?

Lisa Faulkner is the passionate + playful pole dancing professor. She also writes for PDBloggers and Bad Kitty. Come learn and play with her at poledancingprofessor.com.


SPECIAL NOTE: For the months of January and February the editorial focus of the Bodybinds Blog will be ALL ABOUT KINK.While we may cover a few other topics here or there, you will notice a lot of features on the topic of KINK.  If you are interested in guest writing, being interviewed or featured, please email the editor at Sheena@PDBloggers.com.

 


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