Why Pole Makes you Sexy (Even when you’re not Trying to Be)

NFG Photo - bodybinds.com

Photo Credit: NFG Photo. Creative Commons Photo License


Within the pole community, we often try to force the dichotomy of sexy vs. non-sexy. There are so many different styles of dance on the pole just like there are off the pole, but the idea that one person’s preference means that they are vehemently against any other form of expression is not grounded in reality. Nonetheless, when you go into a routine you usually have an idea, at least subconsciously, if you are going for the sex bomb look or for something more cirquey-sporty.

The truth of the matter, however, is that no matter how athletic and non-slinky your movements, you look sexy anyway! The pole is glamourizing and flattering, even for those stepping away from the “stripper look.”

Why is such an innocuous apparatus so titillating? Contrary to what might be your first guess, I don’t think it’s because of its adult connotations and phallic symbolism. Rather, there are several physical aspects of pole fitness that simply bring out the bombshell in us, whether we like it or not.

Gravity working in your favor

When you are standing on the ground, gravity is your enemy. Everything sags. But when you are upside-down, or even leaning back against the pole, the tide is turned. Your belly fat melts away from the surface, your boobs perk up to your chin, your leftover leg meat rushes to your bum. There’s no faster way to turn back the clock. Talk about turning that frown upside-down!


While earth-based art forms have you compacted, again at the mercy of gravity, pole and the aerial arts constantly have you hanging, reaching, stretching. Even the act of resting your arms above your head as you lean against the pole elongates your torso, exposing muscle and sinew and distributing excess padding across a wider area, minimizing it. Ballet dancers have to work hard at elongation—you just have to reach up and grab the pole!


Unlike most aerial arts, such as silks and trapeze, pole is inherently asymmetrical. That’s not because the apparatus itself is lopsided, but because it generally has to be on one side or the other of your body. One hand is above or below the other. This emphasizes those famous “S curves” on which Sheila Kelley, the mother of modern pole dance, based her fitness empire. When you lean or tilt or turn one way… that means this corner of your body is a little bit higher… and that one is a little bit lower… and this one is a little back, and that one a little forth… all adding up to a curve-inducing torque that brings out the woman in you.

Flexed Muscles

Pole is known for being a full-body workout. That makes us look good in general—tone up those muscles!—but it also makes us look good while we’re doing it. Think of how many muscles you’re flexing while doing a shoulder inversion. Triceps, biceps, lats, abs! Now think of how much better your muscles look flexed. You don’t have to be Mr. Olympia flexing for the judges in order to show off your athletic goods. You just have to be poling.


Fitness pole dancers are always having to defend their paucity of clothing to the uninitiated masses. But the perfectly logical explanation, that we need the friction of bare skin to grip the pole, doesn’t negate the fact that you are traipsing around in a bikini, and it’s kind of hot. We polers can get desensitized to each others’ flesh and general sexiness, but if you’ve ever walked out of a pole class in a gym and felt the stares of the gym enthusiast on your abs, it’s a reminder that, oh yeah, normal people keep those covered up.

We’re kind of staring right at your crotch

Pole dance is full of straddles and splits, and those little booty shorts or bikini bottoms you’ve got on don’t leave a whole lot to the imagination. Nothing wrong with that. Don’t feel self-conscious or anything. I’m just saying… “Hello, boys!”

Whatever stylistic debates we polers are fond of having, you don’t need to be in stilettos and garters in order to be sexy on the pole. You just are. Enjoy it.

Pippi Parnasse is a poler, #PDBloggers member and writer in the Boston area. She has over 10 years of experience both in pole and in writing professionally.


Three Simple Ways to Feel More Beautiful


I’d like to say almost every woman in the world wants to be deemed as and be beautiful. We want to feel beautiful and we want others, whether it’s a close knit circle or the world, to agree that we are beautiful.  Many times we place more importance on others agreeing in hopes that it will inspire us to feel so too.

Beauty is an energy given off, a frequency that one emits and others pick up and respond to accordingly. This means it may work the other way around. We tell people how to view us and feel about us.

I’m a quintessential woman and while I love all the frilly and sexy lingerie sets, body flattering clothing and getting my hair and makeup done, it’s important that this outward love of self is fortified with inner self love. With inner self love, even a boxy, potato sack you’re wearing looks appealing.

Beauty energy is everything and below are 3 ways to get in the habit of feeling beautiful in your own right.

 Identify (at least) Three Things that You Love About Yourself

My challenge for you today is to identify three things you love about yourself. This is not always easy for many of us because as young girls we saw women tear themselves to shreds and then go on and tear other women to shreds. You’re not a real woman if you don’t balk about your weight and hate your jiggly thighs. It’s almost as if we are programmed to have an affinity to this. Retailers promise that if we spend thousands of dollars at the mall, on creams, potions and the likes, we won’t feel that way anymore. Really, they are just saying we won’t look like we hate ourselves. We are also programmed to think that beauty involves humbling ourselves by dimming our light on our desires, ambitions and achievements. That’s not being humble. That’s thinking less of your self.

Beauty is about an all inclusive self awareness that allows us to seek out, identify and appreciate the beauty in everything without it being at the expense our own selves.

For this exercise, you will write down at least three things about yourself that embody what beautiful looks and feels like to you. They can be physical or personality attributes. I don’t want to hear that you don’t have anything you love about yourself because we all do. Take deep thought regarding this and don’t get upset if you don’t identify three things right away. De-programming and re-programming the mind is a journey and takes time, so do not beat yourself up if they don’t come to you at a moment’s notice.

Indulge in Activities That Accentuate these Things

Once you have identified three things you love about yourself, your next assignment is to indulge in things that honor them. If you love that you enjoy helping people, this activity could involve volunteer work once or twice a month at a school, hospital or with a cause that you’re passionate about. If you love your need for adventure why not try a pole dancing class or salsa dancing lessons?

We are happiest when we do things that we love and enjoy. That’s the epitome of pure beauty.

This also benefits our partners or whomever we are trying to attract love to. They see and feel us and our passion. It’s huge turn on to see someone’s eyes light up about something positive. Aside from how it makes others feel/react, it does something magical to us when are engaged in activities that generate positivity, make us feel alive and entice us to live in the present moment at hand.

Create a Vision Board

There are many ways to create a vision board. You can make them the old fashion way with poster board and clippings from magazines glued to the boards, cut out pictures pinned to a cork board or you can make them digitally through Pinterest or a collage using software like Photoshop or Illustrator. Whatever resonates with you best, use it. Try to look at it daily for inspiration. Put your board somewhere where you would have access to it daily for instant inspiration. If you chose to use a cork board with clippings, you could put it on a wall by your desk if you sit at a desk daily or on a bedroom wall. If you use a Pinterest board, you can look at on your phone or tablet daily.

Try to include pictures of more than just pretty people; also include pictures that symbolize what feelings, sensations and situations your definitions of beauty evokes. Everyone’s interpretation will be different.

I used to think that I wasn’t beautiful because I wasn’t extroverted and super social with new people right away. That’s how the media always portrayed beautiful women so I thought something was wrong with me. After a while I recognized that there was beauty and strength in my tendencies towards introversion and that the people and love interests that wanted to be bothered with me wouldn’t mind that about me. I have a Pinterest board titled “Quiet Confidence, Regal Beauty”, where I pin pictures of women who aren’t/weren’t loud individuals but that didn’t take away from their passion for life, sexiness, beauty or strength. Whenever I start to doubt my self worth because I’m not loud, I can look at the board and it helps to me remember to celebrate myself and how my quietness makes me interesting and powerful in my own beautiful way.

If you don’t want to do a vision board, you could also put up artwork in your home that signifies your definition of beauty. You can also have multiple vision boards dedicated to different themes of beauty. Get wrapped up in it and make it relevant for you. Use glitter, fur balls and feathers for decoration if you like, Get engulfed in making this your own.

Though we all love and welcome validation and celebration from others, true beauty and sexiness comes from you. Once you have it in yourself to feel beautiful, people can’t help but to recognize it and agree.

What do you do to feel beautiful?

Milan is a bohemian, new age, Scorpion lady with sophistication and funk. She has a passion for life and adventure and is a glutton for books and all things creative. You can find her at any of your local cultural events, in the park practicing yoga, in the kitchen jamming to A Tribe Called Quest songs while cooking dinner or her blog www.AGrlCanMAC.com talking about life and beauty.

Sexy Meditation Tips for a Modern Day Siren

Photo Credit : Bhumika Bhatia

Photo Credit: Bhumika Bhatia : License Info


I receive a lot of private messages from women in search of sexual liberation and freedom. They want to know just what I mean by “spiritual eroticism.”

And they want to find a way to live in “sensual bliss.”

“Share your tips,” they ask.

“What books should I read?” they ask.

“Exactly what did you do to get to where you are now?” they wonder.

My process of sexual freedom, erotic liberation and sensual bliss has many parts but today, let’s talk about MEDITATION. Why? Because meditation helped me find my “sexy spot.” One quick definition of meditation is such: to ponder, muse, ruminate; to cogitate, study, think; to contemplate, plan, devise, and contrive. Let’s simply go with the basics!


With all the blog posts, videos, books and resources out there today, it wasn’t until I could actually feel, see and note the differences in my life post-meditation that I found the true value in why meditation matters. I used to struggle to make sense of it all. I could not “concentrate” or “quiet my mind” when I would do individual or group meditations. In group settings, I often felt like I was pretending. I would peek and check out the room when my eyes should have been closed. Everyone seemed to be zoning out and reaching some enlightened state and honestly…a lot of the times, I was thinking about pole dancing, my latest date, the bok choy I’d cook later on and the conversation I needed to have with my best friend.

Once when I should have been meditating, I was thinking about eating a popsicle and giving a blow job. THIS IS NOT WHAT BUDDHA had in mind.

When you’re thinking about a sex act when you should be meditating, its time to do one of two things. Either try a different approach to meditating or cater your meditations towards your interest.


Today, I’m going to share some tips towards a sexy meditation. I believes its important to set the mindful sexy mood for your life. If you want spiritual eroticism, if you want sexy bliss, if you want yummy, delicious energy…its probably going to start in your mind. So let’s turn on your mind to turn on your life and your g spot!

  • Create the space  

In order to set the mood for a sexy meditation, you have to physically set the mood of your environment. Whether its using feng shui techniques, a bagua chart or what you know to be true for your self, create your own siren space for meditation. Is there a place in your home that you can set aside? Is there a soothing and sensual space in your bedroom? Be intentional about the colors and fabrics in this space.

I like to do my sexy meditations in my bedroom. Its my bedroom, so HELLO! That’s where the magic happens. I also have a pole in my bedroom. (I am a pole dance and activist after all.) When meditating in the mornings I open my curtains and let the sunlight shine in and hit my skin. In the evenings I turn on my dark red light. There is something about my wood floor, my pole, my red light and my bedroom that helps make me FEEL sexy…even before I’ve started my meditation.

  • Create an altar

I think of an altar as an intentional space where you direct your energy and focus in a more acute sense separate than simply the room you meditate in. (That’s my definition. Yours may differ.) Therefore, my window sill functions as my altar. I keep a candle that reminds me of “MAN” on my window. My sex journal is there. I keep a little box of love notes there. I keep any relics and any thing that holds significance for me there. Whether its dried roses, a rock from a sexy vacation and a note with my favorite affirmation. (I’ve now printed Jillian’s affirmation too and placed it there.) So collect your own trinkets and items of significance and add them to your alter.

Once its time to begin your meditation, consider doing the following.

Photo Credit : Bhumika Bhatia

Photo Credit: Bhumika Bhatia : License Info


  • Set the mood with scents 

Light candles, incense or burn essential oils.

I like to make the act of lighting a candle, a sacred act! I’m intentional about the energy in my hands when I light the fire. I am quite literally bringing light into my life and that is a beautiful thing. Note that! Be mindful of that. Take joy and pleasure in that!
Pick scents that turn you on. I love rosewood. Mix that with some ylang yalng, a few drops of lavender, a dab of musk and rose…and I’m LOVING IT! What scents turn you on? Maybe for you its spraying your favorite cologne or perfume on your meditation pillow right before you meditate.

  • Set the mood by removing distractions

Turn your television off. Silence and/or turn your cell phone off. Whatever distracts you….remove it when you are ready to meditate. If the blinking light of your internet router distracts you in your meditation room, unplug it. If the hum of the air conditioner distracts you, turn it off. Remove whatever doesn’t serve you while you meditate!

  • Set the mood with music

This is optional. There are numerous free resources and apps that will play ambient music during meditation. I find that the music helps to ushering in the mood. I know plenty of people who use a playlist of music when they have sexy time with their lover. (I have numerous playlist for sex.) So why not have a playlist for your sexy meditations. If chirping birds and waterfalls are not a turn on for you…considering finding the instrumental versions of your favorite sexy songs?

  • Set the mood with the elements

There is something about the four elements (water, fire, air, earth) that make me feel raw, primal and gritty yummy. I know there are spiritual interpretations of the elements, practical interpretations of the elements and an entire philosophy around it. Be that as it may, I feel spiritually fancy and naturally connection to the earth when I incorporate the elements into my life. I imagine that the goddess of centuries ago, did their primal fertility dance prayers and more by incorporating the elements. Folklore or Fact…either way, I like it.

Your incorporation of the elements can be literal or metaphorical. For instance, earth for me…I consider to be the ashes of the burned incense. Air…I consider that to be my breath. Fire…that’s the candles! Water – well, why not make a special sexy sacred water? Using the same essential oils that you burn, why not have a bowl with purified water and essential oils. Dip your hands in the water. Bless your sexy self with the water!
  • Set the mood with your body

GET COMFORTABLE. You can sit cross legged with meditation pillows. You can lay in child’s pose on your yoga mat. You can really do anything…but ideally, do what makes you feel good and sensual.

Sometimes I lie in my bed. Sometimes…because my posture isn’t entirely perfect, I lean against my vertical dance pole. Sometimes I sit in a chair.
Sure, there are the suggested ways to position your body for meditation, but really, its about what is comfortable for you. Also think about what feels good on your body. If this is a sexy meditation….maybe wear lace or silk or cotton. Get really specific about what is on your body.

  • Set the mood with your breath

The very first thing I recommend is BREATHING.

Before you say a mantra…before your affirmation….before your bliss…..just BREATHE.
Sit there for a minute and just breathe. Breathe for a minute. Breathe deeply and fully.
Inhale for 5 seconds and exhale for 5 seconds. Then increase your inhalation and exhalation to 10 seconds. Take in the smells and let the smells and your intentional breathe fill the space!
Just breathe.
I find that I hold my breath a LOT. My lack of proper breathing has severely affected how I dance, how I live and even how I have sex. By intentionally giving my self the space and time to breathe in a sexy environment, I’m teaching my mind and body how to even enjoy breath. (Breath is essential to sex…by the way! Hint. Hint.)
  • Set the mood with your intention and purpose

So you’ve created the space, you lit your candle, your cell phone is off. Now what!?! I recommend setting your intention. Whether you do this mentally or verbally, state your purpose.

WHY IS IT that you want this sexy meditation?
For me, sometimes I simply say, “I dedicate this time to my spiritual eroticism. I dedicate this time to my sacred sexual self. I am open and ready to receive my sensual bliss.” Does that sound crazy to you? Too wah wah voodoo? If so, that’s okay. Say what feels and sounds good to you. “I set this time aside welcome in all things sexy, spiritual and sacred.” Phrase it how you want!
Your purpose can also include gratitude. Dwell on what you are grateful for. “I am grateful for my body. I am grateful for my breast. I am grateful for love. I am grateful for sex and lace and orgasms!”
I  also recommend removing expectations for immediate results. Some of you may do a sexy meditation and immediate become the ultimate sex goddess. More power to you. For others, the results may be gradual and results may vary. So its okay if you aren’t having 20 orgasms right after a sexy meditation. Its also okay if you do!

  • Set the mood with you KEGELS

Yup, I just wrote that. At some point during your meditation when you have your sexy music playing and you have rosewood & ylang ylang burning, squeeze and release your kegels.

That is directly tied to your SEX and your eroticism. Therefore when you’re setting your intentions, when you’re breathing…when ever you want…squeeze those kegels! Awaken your siren and uncoil your kundalini by activating your root chakra. I share my experiences about kegels in a moving meditation in THIS blog post.

  • Set the mood with affirmations

Say what feels good and pushes you towards pleasure.

My body is perfection.
I am a sensual goddess.
My sexuality is divine, sacred and holy.
welcome ecstasy.  
am the embodiment of sexual joy.
I am enticing, charming and captivating.
I own my sexual power.
I am filled with sexy erotic and exciting energy.
I believe in pleasure, love and joy.
I am an activated goddess.

  • Set the mood with your thoughts

For some people they meditate by saying affirmations. Others like to quiet their minds and envision white light…or maybe envision a RED LIGHT! You can also set the mood with your thoughts. Let visions flash in your mind of when you feel the most sexy. Think about your last orgasm. Think about a future fantasy you want to act out.

  • Set the mood with your journal & visuals

Whether you have a sex journal, like I do or a sexual vision board or a sexy pinterest board, use visuals to aid in setting the mood. What images incorporate sexy energy for you? What thoughts do you have that you want to write down? Maybe after thinking about your next sexual fantasy, you may want to write the details in your journal? I have two pinterest boards. “Wild Magical Woman.” and “Yummy Sexy.” After spending ONE minute on either board, I feel it between my legs and in my heart! Or maybe create an art collage journal of all things sexy for you!


Photo Credit : Bhumika Bhatia

Photo Credit: Bhumika Bhatia : License Info


I’ve moreso given you a breakdown of how to set the mood for a solo sexy meditation. However, keep in mind there are many ways to experience a sexy meditation.

  1. Standard Solo Sexy Meditation – As explained above.
  2. Moving Meditation – After setting the mood, instead of sitting down in a cross legged position, why not freestyle move? Do some hip circles. Roll your head in a circle. Slither across the floor. Do what what feels sexy and good!
  3. Breathing Partner Meditation – Have you considered sharing your sexy meditation with your partner? This may also be the “pre foreplay” to a wonderful night, if you know what I mean. Try sitting back to back with your partner. When s/he exhales, you inhale. When you inhale, have s/he exhale. Be present in each other’s breath. With your back against their’s, feel the weight, feel the subtle movement. Tune in to each other. You can also face each other and look each other in the eye. Or you can close your eyes and hold hands. You both can verbally speak affirmations, if you want.
  4. Naked Meditation – Each meditation mentioned above can be done naked. If that frightens you in a “I’m absolutely terrified and may have a hysterical panic attack” way, don’t do it. If it frightens you in a, “this could be an interesting self-adventure and I’m committed to trying new things for sexual freedom” type of way, DO IT!
  5. Active Meditation – By this, I mean living a mindful life. You can meditate while in the shower or while taking a bath. Why not? You’re naked. The water is hitting you at the right temperature. You’re purifying your body. Why not light a candle. Turn your sexy music on. And set an intention. Also…find a shower gel that turns you on and feels luxurious! The same can be said for when you feast. Why not create an aphrodisiac filled meal and instead of just downing dinner, really be presence in the sensual experience!
  6. Natural Meditation - Do everything I said but do it outside….in your garden, in your favorite park, or where ever is safe and sacred for you!


  1. ANYTIME You can experience a sexy meditation any time.
  2. NEW & FULL MOONS – If you want to go for a more ritualistic approach, why not have your sexy meditations on the new and full moons…an optimum time for feminine  and nature energy anyway!
  3. RIGHT BEFORE YOU SEE THEM – It might be a great idea to incorporate a sexy meditation into your lover prep! You know…when you have a fancy date scheduled or you know s/he is coming over and its going to be an extra special sexy night, so you shave, you exfoliate your skin, you pick your fancy panties….why not set aside five minutes or thirty minutes for some mindful breathing and sexy meditation?


  1. Reduces Stress The more I give myself the space and time to dwell in breathe and my intention for the day, the less evil I am to others. Point. Blank. Simple.
  2. Improves Concentration – I find meditation to be an exercise of the mind. As time has gone on, it is easier and easier for me to get into the mindset of mediation and to dwell there. This also directly correlates to the rest of my life.
  3. Promotes Happiness I always feel good after I meditate.
  4. Sets the Mood – Whether I’m setting the mood for sexy or for joy or for personal contentment, I find that once I’ve meditated, the energy of my day has shifted.
  5. Honors Your Sexual Nature - Its important that I acknowledge my sexuality in all its forms. Developing a ritual such as sexy meditations is a way to honor this sacred part of me! Enjoying physical sex is one way to incorporate sexuality into your life. But it is not the only way. Dedicating my meditative practices to my sexual nature gives me another outlet for channeling my sexual energy.


WATCH this video, “Total Permission” by Wahkeena Sitka

ENJOY this entire website, “Sex Love and Liberation” by Ev_yan

READ this Elephant Journal article , Forgiveness is the Path to Orgasm” by Rashida KhanBey

Photo Credit | Bhumika Bhatia

Photo Credit: Bhumika Bhatia : License Info

 A Note About “Sexy”

Some people have a strong response, negative or positive to the word sexy. Let me just emphasize, that sexy is however you define it! When I reference sexy in this post, I am referencing the feeling that accompanies what it means to be sexual. You know the feeling right before you have sex or during an orgasm or right after sex…that feeling is “sexy.” You know that feeling when you’re wearing your favorite dress or pants or lipstick shade and you’re absolutely in love with yourself and you love everything about yourself and you know and understand your beauty…that sensual energy of pleasure…well, that is “sexy.” If rosewood makes you want to barf and lemon essential oil turns you on, choose that. If wearing sweatshirts and listening to water falls induce erotic bliss for you, do that!

Do you incorporate sexuality and eroticism into your meditative practices?

Sheena LaShay is a Wild Magical Woman, Boudoir Photographer, Videographer, and most importantly a Pole Dancer. She writes for SheenaLaShay.com, Owning Pink, Verizon Wireless and is the Co-President & Editor-in-Chief of the #PDBloggersSheena is also the Editor of the Bodybinds blog!